Two little "i's" in the hole (edited)

Yes, that's right my legal friends, Maine is not the only one to use that (ahem) interesting phrase. If you are unfamiliar with the phrase little "i" in the hole, let me clue you in:

(ii)

Ok, the above represents a lower case roman numeral two, set between parentheses. Now, most people would say, "roman numeral two," or simply, "two," or, I have even heard (and secretly love), "romanette two." I do understand the concept of the phrase, "two little 'i's' in the hole," but really people, must we say that?

Here is an example from the Internal Revenue Code:

§ 302. Distributions in redemption of stock.

(a) General rule. If a corporation redeems its stock ..., and if paragraph (1), (2), (3), or (4) of subsection (b) applies, such redemption shall be treated as a distribution in part or full payment in exchange for the stock.

(b) Redemptions treated as exchanges.

(1) Redemptions not equivalent to dividends. Subsection (a) shall apply if the redemption is not essentially equivalent to a dividend.

(2) Substantially disproportionate redemption of stock.

(A) In general. Subsection (a) shall apply if the distribution is substantially disproportionate with respect to the shareholder.

(B) Limitation. This paragraph shall not apply unless immediately after the redemption the shareholder owns less than 50 percent of the total combined voting power of all classes of stock entitled to vote.

(C) Definitions. For purposes of this paragraph, the distribution is substantially disproportionate if--

(i) the ratio which the voting stock of the corporation owned by the shareholder immediately after the redemption bears to all of the voting stock of the corporation at such time, is less than 80 percent of--

(ii) the ratio which the voting stock of the corporation owned by the shareholder immediately before the redemption bears to all of the voting stock of the corporation at such time.

...

OK, if I wanted to refer specifically to the bolded section I would say, "Section three oh four, b, two, cap C, ROMANETTE TWO." How would you site that little roman numeral two? If you are like my legal research
professor (and like others that shall remain nameless), you would call it two
little i's in the hole. I'm not sure why this bothers me so much, other
than it makes one sound like a perverted moron, and I prefer to sound like just
a pervert.

My Boy (and other odds and ends)

Ok, so I realize I have a tendency to get a little crazy about my animals, but look at these incredible cute pics of Mr. Star. Isn't he the cuterest!?!?!

Ok, cutest puppy ever, right?

On another note, I like to give a huge shout out to my good friend Ken-Star who recommended that I get the Downy ball to deal with my laundry woes. As far as I am concerned the Downy ball is magical, it dispenses my liquid fabric softener in the washing machine at just the right moment. How does it do this? I seal the ball before putting it in the laundry, and yet it works every time. Wikipedia has an explanation for this phenomenon, http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Downy_ball. Alas, I am still of the belief that the Downy ball is magic.

In one of my prior posts I discuss my new found love for a pair of sheets that I discovered at Target. I had ordered them online and anticipated that all would be well. Unfortunately I received an email from the good folks at Target.com explaining that my order would be delayed. I took a little trip to Target yesterday, on an unrelated matter, and decided to swing by the bedding department. (Oh, by the way, this is a different Target than the one I was in the other day.) I stop by an end cap displaying MY sheets in other colors and sizes, it is then that I notice that now my sheets are on clearance. This irks me to no end as, not only did I pay regular price for the sheets online, but I also had to pay shipping and handling. I was just about to give up when I spotted another end cap of my sheets a few aisles back. You are not going to believe this. Someone had just returned a set of MY sheets, in the correct size and color. I scooped those sheets up so fast I almost fell over while doing my happy dance. So, not only did I get the sheets, but I got them for $13!!! And, the Target.com peeps said that I can refuse acceptance of the sheets as they did not conform with the set time line. Yippee!!

The Crazy Things You Can See in DC

Ah yes, just your average day in an average city, where an average girl takes a ride home in an average subway, when what should she see???? A not so average Maneltoe!!!! For those of you that are not aware, a Maneltoe is the male version of the camel toe. If you don't know what a camel toe is, please preserve your innocence and just move on. Let me just say, this Maneltoe was amazing, I actually found myself staring, it was hypnotic, I couldn't take my eyes off it. It was like a puzzle trying to figure out what all the parts were and how they fit to make the whole. I actually considered taking a picture of it with my phone so that you could all see, but then I thought that might be weird. Sorry.





Earlier that day... I had a large break between classes and decided that I could take the time and the energy to walk the 300 feet to Starbucks. I sure am glad I did. Once in Starbucks I had the unexplainable urge to use the little girl's room. (Number 1 if you must know). Funny, usually I have that urge AFTER having the Starbucks. So, I went into the restroom and walked toward the toilet. That is when I observed this wonderful sign discretely placed on the wall behind the toilet:

Now, I don't know if you are able to make out the words on this instructional sign, but basically what is says is that this is a Water-Saving Dual-Functioning toilet. To be more precise, the toilet has a Dual-Functioning flusher. You either pull up or push down depending on the type of load you have just dropped. If you don't know which to do, the sign provides you with helpful instructions and graphics. "Up for #1 (liquid waste)" it reads, and then "Down for #2 (solid waste)." If, by chance, you are not of the reading population, you can look at the number of water droplets pictured. One drop for up (less water). And three drops for down (a crap load of water). This leads me to ponder the obvious: What if you have a mix of solid and liquid waste, do you not flush at all??

You're Joking, Right?

Yesterday I went to Target. For those of you that are unaware, I am a believer that God gave us Target so we might get a glimpse of what heaven might be like (on a smaller scale of course). As I was meandering through the mecca that is Target I spotted the most adorable set of sheets:

Super cute, right? Alas, they did not have any on the shelf that would fit a queen size bed. I decided to go to one of the nearby service phones to see if someone could check to see if there were more of these sheets in the back. I pick up the phone, ring ring ring...

Employee: Thank you for calling Target, this is Mercedes, can I help you find something.

Me: Hey there, M, I found these spectacular sheets and I do love them so, however, there aren't any on the shelf in Queen, do you suppose someone could check in the back for me?

Mercedes: Hold please...

HOLDING....

Other Employee: Hello?

Me: Ah, yes...

Other Employee: Do you need the number?

Me: Ah, are you looking for the sheets?

Other Employee: (exasperated) NO, I am looking for help in the home office area.

Me: (light bulb clicks on) Oh, that's swell, are you a customer?

Customer: (irritated that I am displaying such poor customer service) Yes!

Me: Yeah, so am I, I think we should both hang up and try again...

Customer: Okay (clearly blaming me for this whole mishap)

I try again:

Mercedes: Thank you for calling Target, this is Mercedes, can I help you find something.

Me: Yo, M, do you think you could send someone on over to bedding?

Mercedes: Hold please...

HOLDING...

Other Employee: Hello?

Me: Hi there.

Other Employee: Could you send someone over to furniture please?

Me: Okay...

Other Employee/customer: Great, thanks!

Me: Wait!

Customer: yes?

Me: I am a customer too, I think they connected us by mistake.

Customer: oh...

Click.

I try again:

Mercedes: Thank you for calling Target, this is Mercedes, can I help you find something?

Me: Mercedes, I really need some help in the bedding area and I have now been connected to other customers TWICE. Could you send someone over?

Mercedes: (yelling at me) I'M SORRY, I'M NEW AT THIS! Someone will be over.

Click.

Yeah, right, I won't hold my breath. Long story short (too late), they didn't have any more sheets, but I did find them online and ordered them there! YIPPEE!

Fast forward: I had decided not to blog about my unfortunate Target experiences yesterday as I was afraid they would be too painful to live through again. That was until this happened to me this morning:

Obviously, I need a new wheel and new tires (if you don't know why, please read "Worst Night Ever" posted yesterday). I spoke to my dear friends at the local Ford dealership and they are ordering my new wheel and it should be here today by noon. Perfect, now all I have to do is call and make an appointment:

Ford: Service department.

Me: Hi there, I need to make an appointment.

Ford: Hold please...

HOLDING... (anyone feel the deja vu here?)

Ford: Hello?

Me: Hi.

Ford: Hi, I'm trying to reach the service department.

Me: (you have got to be kidding me) Yeah, me too, I think they connected us by mistake, I think we need to call back.

Lady: Oh, how funny, ok. (Obviously, this is the first time this has happened to her, or it wouldn't be so funny.)

So, we both hung up, I got a hold of someone and made an appointment for Thursday. Does this kind of thing happen to anyone but me and Samson? (Please see Sam's blog entry, Hippa: http://reflectingpoorly.blogspot.com/2007/07/hipaa.html)

Worst Night Ever

Ahhh yes, I finally ventured out of the cocoon I call my home and went into DC for an orientation gathering and some drinks. The evening started out well: A nice little speech by the various Deans (all of varying titles of which I do not recall, nor should you care); free food and booze (wine only, we are high class at GT); and a shuttle ride ride back to where we parked. All in all, so far so good. So then, a few friends and I (yes, I met some people here! And dare I say, we are friendly!!) decided to go to a local Irish pub for a few drinks. Toward the end of the evening (oh, around 11:00), all that remained was me and my new BFF (lets call her K).

So, K and I are sitting at the bar when a guy about our age approaches us from behind. He taps me on the shoulder and smiles at me sheepishly. "Hello," he says, staring deeply into my eyes, "I saw you when I walked in and I really wanted to introduce myself." So, I said hello and introduced myself and K. He looked very sweet and said, "my name is Future Asshole, and I would love to buy you both a drink." Neither K nor myself were thinking of imbibing more, but how often do you get so shamelessly hit on? (Let me tell you, for me, its NOT OFTEN!) K and I looked at each other and K informed Future that we would be leaving shortly. Undaunted, Future replies "Ok, I am going to go back over and sit with some of my friends, if you would like to I would love for you to join us so I may buy you a drink." Then he strolls away.

Well, to make a long story slightly less long, lets just skip to the part where K and I decide to join them and are greeted by a party of 10 of the drunkest individuals in the Greater DC area. Somehow, I manage to offend Future's nearby friend (lets call him Prick). Prick looks at me and says "I meet girls like you everyday, girls like you are a dime a dozen, so don't think you are anything special." I have to admit that I am a little taken aback by this comment, and yet my attention is split between being aghast and watching the exchange that is taking place between K and Prick's girlfriend, Hoochie Ho. While Prick is informing me of the average going price for a dozen "girls like me," HH is screaming at my extremely docile friend, K, and telling her not to even speak. It was at this point that we decided it was time to leave. Thanks Future for a super fun night!

So, on with the fun, right? I decide to take K home so she doesn't have to ride the Metro at this hour (now midnight). And of course we get a little lost. (You saw that coming, right?) I was cruising along in the right lane of the street when a highway sign said that I need to be making a left at the next right. I quickly begin changing lanes. Did you know that sometimes they separate left turn lanes from the other lanes with concrete curbs?!?!?! I realized this a little on the late side. I hit the curb. Huh, that is a strange noise my car is making. K thinks we should pull over and take a look.

I pull into a gas station all the while noticing that somehow we have left the nice part of DC and are now somewhere in the middle of South Central/Compton-DC. I get out of the car and examine my tire:

As you can imagine, the tire is flat. No problem, I know how to change a tire! So I begin this laborious process (yep, I'm in a skirt and a top that bares my ladies for the world to see when I bend over.) I get the car jacked up and am ready to take the tire off (I realize that I forgot to loosen the lug nuts prior to jacking the car up, but that is irrelevant as of now because I can't find the loosener tool!) Perfect. No way to get the lug nuts off. Meanwhile a variety of unsavory individuals are coming up to K (did I mention that she is 5'3", has a perfect figure and is gorgeous?) and they are asking her if we need help. K is now frantic. She decides that we should call the police. I am not such a fan of this idea as, lets face it, I have been drinking.

The cops get there looking fairly agitated to have been called away from some caper that I imagine was happening at Dunkin' Donuts. I tell them that I cannot find my lug nut tool but I am checking one more time. I SWEAR I must have looked for that thing five times already. Guess what?!?! That's right! I found it. I look at the helpful peace officers and inform them that I am merely an idiot and have now found the lug nut tool that has been touched by the Gods, for it was invisible moments ago. I speak to the officers and ask if they wouldn't mind sticking around for a few moments while I fix the tire as my friend is frantic. They must have seen the dried tear tracks on here checks (yes I am a horrible person) for they agreed to say. Notice I said they stayed. They did not, however help. I proceeded to let the car down, loosen the lug nuts, jack the car up, remove the lug nuts and then struggle for dear life as I tried to remove the wheel from the car. I finally had to stand and use all my might, which shook the whole car, before the wheel popped free. Only then did one of the police officers, who looked like he was moonbathing against his patrol car, ask if I needed help. Pause. Are you freakin' joking here!

Mr. Helpful assists me in getting the spare on before jokingly saying, "One too many cocktails huh?" I chuckle and say that we merely got lost. As if that explains why a huge chunk of my wheel was pushed through my tire.

We asked these helpful individuals for directions and then were on our way.