Caution: Admittedly, this is neither an interesting or funny post. Sometimes I just like to ramble about nothing to feel relevant and powerful.
I am not a fast walker. I understand that fact, and I apologize for those of you marathon walkers that have to slow your pace in order to not leave me in the dust. Having said that, it absolutely drives me crazy when a group of people span the width of the sidewalk walking at a snails pace. (Thanks again Samson for the reference to that wonderful cite: snails travel at a max speed of .03 mph.) Last night, I encountered such a situation.
I was leaving Starbucks after putting in some study time and had just commenced my 6 block walk back to school where my car was parked. It was about 10 degrees below butt f-ing cold, so I was trucking it back to school. Several paces ahead of me (and closing quickly) was a group of early 20-ish people. They were walking side by side and I could almost hear them saying "Red Rover, Red Rover, send T-Money on over." Clearly, these youths were hopped up on dope or barbiturates or something of the like because they were meandering through the streets like it was a nice summer day. Evidently, they were impervious to the cold.
I decided to try to move around them, keep in mind I had my rolly bag with me, so I was not as mobile as one would like in such a situation. I picked up some speed and went to pass the big guy on the outside. Looking back, this was probably not the best idea as he was walking somewhat erratically. Just as I was about to pass him, he hocked a loogy. (As an aside, let me just ask, why is spitting necessary? Girls rarely spit, why do guys find it necessary to spit. Do they produce more saliva than women? I'm just not sure.)
I think Spitter saw me out of the corner of his eye the second is saliva wad left his mouth. Just as I saw it. But it was really too late for either of us to stop. I heard him exclaim, "whoa, whoa, whoa," as I was just about past him, it was just too late. Fortunately, I do believe that most (or at least a fair amount) of the saliva landed on the ground. However, this man was no expert and the loogy hit the ground like buckshot, giving me little hope that I didn't end up with some on the front of me.
So, there's, my story. Thanks for listening!
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
3 comments:
Can I just say that you crAck me Up!!! Sorry to hear about the spitting, Seriously.....why the F is it necessary??? I hAte that! The male species can't seem to master the fine art of keeping gross things to themselves. Thanks for sharing. xoxoxo
so did you push him in front of a bus? i anxiously await what i imagine was a dramatic and violent end to this saga.
unless you're like me, in which case you wiped spittle off your face and continued on your way, feeling just a LITTLE worse about yourself.
Ewwwww! See... one more reason not to walk alone at night in a big city... wait... was it night? I'm picturing this whole thing happening at like midnight (bad girl who walks alone at night in a big city!), but now that I think about it, did you say? Have I mentioned that my mind is no longer functioning like it did prior to child #1 or pregnancy #2? And you know that it wasn't THAT great to begin with!
Post a Comment