Update

Hello my dear cyber-friends! I offer my profuse apologies to you all for my extended absence. In the past couple of weeks I have been finishing up my first semester here at GT and enjoying my first week of winter break. Finals were crazy and led all the way up to the Friday before Christmas. Now that's just unfair.

Now, I wish to speak to you all about a sorrow that is close to my heart. Football season is almost over. These words are difficult for me to even utter out loud but I understand that if I don't start preparing for it I will be a complete mess when the Superbowl comes and goes. Why does football season have to end? And don't try to assure with lame substitutions like arena football. Arena football is a crock! Ok, I think I just needed to get that out, thanks for listening.

Alrighty, so I will try to be better about updating the ole blog. Soon to come are some pics that I took when I showed my mom around DC.

Happy New Year to all!

Funniest Thing Ever

A friend of mine recently brought this to my attention. It is possibly the funniest thing I have ever seen.

Watch Out, They Spit!

Caution: Admittedly, this is neither an interesting or funny post. Sometimes I just like to ramble about nothing to feel relevant and powerful.

I am not a fast walker. I understand that fact, and I apologize for those of you marathon walkers that have to slow your pace in order to not leave me in the dust. Having said that, it absolutely drives me crazy when a group of people span the width of the sidewalk walking at a snails pace. (Thanks again Samson for the reference to that wonderful cite: snails travel at a max speed of .03 mph.) Last night, I encountered such a situation.

I was leaving Starbucks after putting in some study time and had just commenced my 6 block walk back to school where my car was parked. It was about 10 degrees below butt f-ing cold, so I was trucking it back to school. Several paces ahead of me (and closing quickly) was a group of early 20-ish people. They were walking side by side and I could almost hear them saying "Red Rover, Red Rover, send T-Money on over." Clearly, these youths were hopped up on dope or barbiturates or something of the like because they were meandering through the streets like it was a nice summer day. Evidently, they were impervious to the cold.

I decided to try to move around them, keep in mind I had my rolly bag with me, so I was not as mobile as one would like in such a situation. I picked up some speed and went to pass the big guy on the outside. Looking back, this was probably not the best idea as he was walking somewhat erratically. Just as I was about to pass him, he hocked a loogy. (As an aside, let me just ask, why is spitting necessary? Girls rarely spit, why do guys find it necessary to spit. Do they produce more saliva than women? I'm just not sure.)

I think Spitter saw me out of the corner of his eye the second is saliva wad left his mouth. Just as I saw it. But it was really too late for either of us to stop. I heard him exclaim, "whoa, whoa, whoa," as I was just about past him, it was just too late. Fortunately, I do believe that most (or at least a fair amount) of the saliva landed on the ground. However, this man was no expert and the loogy hit the ground like buckshot, giving me little hope that I didn't end up with some on the front of me.

So, there's, my story. Thanks for listening!

My Week in LA

Ok, I would like to first apologize to my loyal reader(s?) who have been missing my posts. I have been very busy, but I am sorry.

Ok, I would like to give the highlights of my trip home. In order to do so without writing a freakin' book, I will give a highlight per day.

Friday: My flight out to LA... HORRIBLE.

I had the middle seat. Crazy sighing man was sitting to my left and socially retarded man was sitting to my right. I don't really feel like getting into all the particulars, but lets just say all normal social courtesies were thrown out the window.

Saturday: The Craft Fair!

I went to this craft/art fair with my aunt. It was super cool, AND I procured this painting:

Sunday: Dad arrives!

My dad got in Sunday afternoon. It was so nice to see him! For dinner my dad, aunt, grandparents and I went to one of my favorite french restaurants. Just as dinner was ending, my father casually asked me how my roommate was. A seemingly benign question at first glance. However, my grandmother latched on to it and started asking me questions as well. "Oh, your roommate. How nice," grandma says, "What does she do? Is she a student too?" Hmmm. This is not going to go well. So I say, "Actually grandma, my roommate is a man, and he is in computers."

"A MAN!" Grandma says. Then, without skipping a beat she looks at me and asks, "do you share the bed?" Then grandpa looks at her and says, "Now, lets not get too inquisitive." Although his inner monologue was the same as mine: "I know you didn't just ask your grandchild if she's boning her roommate."

After removing my jaw from the where it dropped on the table, I simply replied to the question as matter of factly as possible. "No, we don't even share the same room."

Monday: Piano and stupid school work

I worked on a research paper for most of Monday and spent a few hours playing the piano. Not much to say here.

Tuesday: The Seedy Sports Bar

On Tuesday I met up with some girls that I went to high school with. I hadn't seen them in 10 years up until my 10 year reunion the week before (don't ask, it was not fun.) So, we met downtown and went to a brewery that I had never heard of. Now, for those of you that don't know, California has a requirement by the health board that each eating establishment be rated according to health standards. Most places get A's. I have never in my life seen a C before. And I think I have only seen one or two B's. This fine establishment had earned a B. From what I understand, short of bugs or fecal matter in the food, it is quite difficult to get a B. Nonetheless, I decided that this would be the perfect place to order a risky food group: chicken. The company and the beer was great, the food even tasted fine. I do believe that I ended up with a mild case of food poisoning though because the following morning I woke up with a three day long bout of atomic diarrhea.

(Side note: I also got my hair done in the morning, super fun!)

Wednesday: "Excuse me, where is your restroom?"

I wasn't feeling well most of the day and was restricted to only going places with restrooms near by. So my dad and I did some shopping. It was pretty low key. Then we went to "The Bear Pit" for dinner. Samson- you would freakin love this place!

Thursday: Turkey Day!

Fairly self explanatory. Food, food, and more food. And lots of napping. Also, I worked on my paper some more.

Friday: Coffee with good friends and a special lunch with Jare-Bare

Friday started with a fun little walk down the street to have coffee with a couple that lives there. It was just like old times, super fun to get to catch up like that. Then, for lunch I got the chance to meet up with a friend from college that I hadn't seen in a long time. What fun!!

Saturday: The flight home- Engine Problems

Yeah, so, the flight home sucked. My first flight (early in the morning) was brought back to the gate after we left because of engine problems. These "engine problems" were at first described as an air conditioning problem. LIARS!!

So they moved me to another flight but then I missed my connection. They then tried to send me to a different airport and I had to explain to Lenny behind the counter the difference between flying into Washington (Regan airport) vs. Washington Dulles (my airport). Just so you know, its about 45 min. Once they finally got all that fixed they flew me to North Carolina, where I again had the middle seat. Man on my left had some of the most offensive breath ever, period. He also had one of those leg bouncing things going on, ahhh. Man on my right didn't speak English, which was a nice change from the flight on the way into LA, however, the flight attendants seemed to expect me to act out all their questions to him. Charades, anyone? Yeah, so then they delayed my connection into DC. They also hid my luggage, which was a fun game for me, but after 45 min of playing hide and seek, I was less than tolerant.

After spending 12 hours in the airport/airplane, I had to take a cab home because my roommate declared that he would no longer be able to pick me up. Thanks.

So that was my super fun week! I will try to be better about updating, but finals are coming up. And, of course, my birthday! I know you remembered, but I just thought I would mention it.

"Um, hi, 911? This isn't REALLY an emergency"

Ok, so the good news about today is: it is better than yesterday! Yesterday was an all in all not so good day. For one, I had my grumpiest pair of grumpy pants on. And for two, I appear to be going through a rough patch right now, marked by considerable depression and anxiety. Not to fear, I am sure things will work themselves out, it just appears that my normal coping mechanisms are not readily equipped to handle what I am going through. Ok, enough of that...

Last night I had class until late in the evening, then I went to Starbucks (my home away from home) to work on a really stupid paper I am writing. The best thing about writing this paper is that now, I not only get to feel like an idiot most of the time, I get to proof-read my idiocy! Oh good! So, after Starbucks closed, I met up with a friend and had a drink, under the guise of discussing the piece of poo I am trying to turn into a research paper. Knowing full well that I had to be up at the rear-end crack of dawn (4:30 am) to catch a flight to L.A. (here now, its gorgeous!) I stayed at the bar til a little after midnight.

Ok, so I get home, and I am exhausted. I was trying to consider if I should attempt packing now, or just get up and throw some undies into a Target bag, when I pulled into a parking spot in front of my building. Then something in the bushes catches my eye. Oh look, it's a man crouched in the fetal position swaying back and forth like he's Rainman ("definitely, definitely Rainman" (sidenote: I heart you Matt!)).

Now I have to get out of my car with this crazy dude doing God know what (vomiting maybe?) I have to admit I was a little frightened. I got out of my car and walked around the back so I wouldn't have to use the sidewalk he was occupying. I was still berating myself for not checking to see if this man was ok (maybe someone beat him up and he was writhing on the ground?), when I was getting Mr. Wonderdog ready to go out. I took him out for his night time constitutional and noticed that the scary man was still there. But now he was laying, half on the sidewalk, half in the bushes. I finished with the dog and went inside to figure some things out.

Ok, think. This could be a bad man. I am home alone. (Sidenote: I don't have time for this crap, I have to wake up in 4 hours!) Ok, what if he's hurt. He can't stay there all night, it is going to drop below freezing, I would feel terrible if I could have done something to help him while he is freezing to death. I know!! I'll call the police! Ok, great, a plan. Now, what's the number for the police? I don't want to call 911, I don't feel like I'm in real danger. Get the phone book... oh good, they have the police listed: 911. Hmm. Ok, I guess I'll call 911.

Heroic 911 operator (man): 911 emergency, where are you located!
Me (tentative): Um, really I was just trying to reach the police.
Annoyed 911 operator (same man): Well, ma'am this is not the number for the non-emergency police.
Me (a little irritated by his tone): Ok, well, it isn't really an emergency, but there is a strange man writhing around in the bushes outside my house and I am a little concerned.
Resigned 911 operator: Where are you located?

The conversation when on from there, and I must say I felt vindicated that he took my info and said he would send someone out. The worst part was the sound of disgust I got when asked about the man's race: "Um, I don't know, all I could see was his legs and his sneakers lying across the sidewalk." Seriously, your pissed at me for not saying, "excuse me sir, I realize that you are either evil, drunk, or seriously injured, but would you mind telling me your national origin?"

Enter the other dumb dog. As my roommate was not here this evening I had to take his little charmer of a dog out. This usually involves me on all fours with a hand full of dog treats pulling her out from under the bed. She must have really had to pee last night because she came with no hassle.

I took the little princess across the condo parking lot to the place where she prefers to do her business. Suddenly an SUV pulls up and parks around the corner. It is now close to 1 am and I observe two men emerge from the vehicle. They look at each other and look around a little before heading straight over to my little invalid friend on the sidewalk/in the bush. I see them standing over him and speaking in harsh hushed tones. OH CRAP. Now what? I begin to casually saunter closer to their vehicle (yeah, right, casual my ass). I decide maybe I should at least get their license plate number because the police will be here any minute and if the bad men should happen to abscond with the body, I want to be able to give them something.

Thankfully, at that moment, two patrol cars pulled up. I couldn't really tell what was going on, partly because I couldn't hear and partly because my Spanish isn't that good (at least I think it was Spanish?) The police seemed to have everything under control so I quickly made my way inside.

I wish I had a better ending to this story, but honestly, I don't know what happened. The police must have taken Rainman AND his two buddies in because the SUV was still there after the cops left and this morning before I left for the airport.

Ah, the life of a concerned citizen...

Punkin Chunkin 2007

Last Sunday I went to the World Championship Punkin Chunkin. What's this?, you might ask, a crazy pumpkin catapulting competition created by hicks? Yep, that's right!! It was really pretty cool. Some friends and I drove out to Delaware (because they don't do things like this in respectable states) and enjoyed the festivities. Really it is a contest to see who can shoot the pumpkin the farthest. There is a cannon competition and a catapult competition. Enjoy the pictures. Also, check out the website for a count down til next year's CHUNK! (http://www.punkinchunkin.com/main.htm)

Pumpkin Canons!

A Pumpkin Catapult!!

An ill fated little guy...

Me, Selfish?

I heart potato chips. Really, just chips in general. Doritos, chips and salsa, kettle chips, chips, chips, chips. (With the exception of the salt and vinegar and the lime chips, those are nastified.) Having said that, I must say that I rarely allow myself to engage in chip eating activities unless they are of the baked chip variety. I have found that I really do enjoy the baked Lays (in all sorts of flavors now (try the BBQ or the sour cream and Cheddar, yum!)) but honestly, if I was throwing caution to the wind I doubt I would elect baked chips.

The last couple of days have been very rough for me. I have been very sad, stressed, lonely, feeling under appreciated, unloved, and generally engaging in a huge pity party for myself. I am sure this will all pass, but in order to help it along, I decided to celebrate my foul mood with some bona fide, genuine potato chips. I was at school working on a 10 page-single-spaced research assignment that is due in two days (that was assigned two days ago, ahem a**hole!) when I took a jaunt into the food area/where the mean people work. I saw some Kettle chips. It was like a light went on from heaven above the chip display, aaaaa... I looked for the New York Cheddar chips, which are a personal favorite of mine, but there were none. Ho hum, another setback. BUT WAIT! There were some BBQ chips, sign me up for those! I procured the chips from the "cashier" (aka, witch with a B) at the counter and was on my way. I wasn't quite ready to eat my chips, so I put them in my bag and finished what I was working on.

I had to work tonight so I packed up my school stuff in the afternoon and started my arduous journey home. It was slow moving through down town DC, but it was a nice day so I had my window rolled down. I was chillin' in a line of traffic when I heard my chips calling. "MMM, yes chips, what's that? Of course I will eat you now!" Open chips and commence eating. Yum, real potato chips! Wow! All of a sudden the substantial gentleman in the row of traffic opposing me leans out his window and says, "can I have one?"

Picture this, there was construction on both sides of this small two lane street, so both lanes of cars were pushed toward the middle. The driver side of the truck is pulled even with my driver's side and we are both stopped (and not moving) at opposing traffic lights in either direction.

I must admit, I looked at him as if he had two heads. So he repeated himself, "can I have one?" Are you joking? These are real potato chips here sir, you apparently don't understand the gravity of this situation. So I merely looked at him, smiled, and shook my head while saying "no." This is when he became outraged. "Oh, I see," he yelled at me, "you're gonna be selfish!" Thankfully by this time my light had changed and the cars in front of me had started to move. It was, however, a while before I stopped looking in my rear view mirror to see if he had doubled back to try to get my potato chips.

Random Irritants

Excessive Nudity in the Locker Room

Fine. Maybe I'm just a huge prude, but I don't believe there is a need to traipse around the locker room stark-freaking naked. Today, a fellow workout peer went from the front of the locker room area to the showers (a distance of some 50-60 feet) butt naked. Fortunately, I was behind her, so all I saw was her butt. I'm not even talking underwear here folks, come on! At least put a towel on! On a side note, she had tan lines from a thong (or so I imagine), definitely NOT a prude!

Sports Announcers Using Huge Words

Have you ever noticed this? I swear, I'm trying to chill out and watch a little baseball (yea, Sox) or football (Go Pats!) and I have to put up with thumbing through my Oxford Dictionary trying to interpret the lame joke some announcer just made. We are common people here, please speak to your audience!

DC Traffic

Need I say more? It took me an hour and a half to get OUT of the city on Sunday morning (stupid Marine Corps Marathon).

Too Much Alcohol

**I would like to caution you all, this is an embarrassing story and actually made me change a color (red). I am sharing it with you in hopes that it will be therapeutic for me.

On Monday night I made some poor choices. The first of my choices started with my having a couple beers. Slightly worse choices commenced when I had a few glasses of wine. My judgement was completely gone when I switched to whiskey. Now, I imagine you all know of the effects of the consumption of such beverages, so I will not bore you with details of my night.

When I awoke the next morning (after going to sleep somewhere between 3 and 4 am) I was treated with an unfriendly feeling in my stomach. Don't get me wrong, I did not feel nauseous, I felt ... something else. Now, as I was not in my own home (thanks to a responsible friend who let me stay over), I was starting to panic as to what might come of this abdominal discomfort.

Needless to say, I did not have the best day yesterday and made an effort to not stray too far from the "Little Star's Room." I assumed, however, that I would feel better today (Wednesday). Hmmm. Not so much.

So, here I am sitting in class. Thankfully I sit in the back row, and thankfully no one sits within 4 seats of me on either side (normally I am personally offended by this fact, hey! I don't smell!) Suddenly, my stomach emits the loudest, craziest "processing" noise imaginable. I try to keep my head straight ahead like I either don't hear anything or as if the noise is not coming from me, therefore there is no need to be embarrassed. Meanwhile, the never ending noise continues, changing in pitch and variance during its general complaint toward the rest of my body. People begin to turn their heads in my direction looking at me as they do to those individuals who leave their phones on vibrate through class and then don't notice the irritating buzzing when a call comes through. I can feel my face turning red, but there is really nothing that can be done about all this.

I am now trying to delude myself into thinking that they all assume it was just my stomach growling, it is 12:45 after all!! It could happen! (Although I think we all know that those noises are distinctly different.)

Sigh... Is this really what its all about?

Air Guitar... Underestimated and Often Misunderstood

The air guitar is one of my favorite instruments. The beauty of the air guitar is that almost anyone can play it without sounding horrible, but few can play it with a style that can make one weep. It just so happens that today I was treated to a concert performed by a solo artist that was a master of his craft... the air guitar. What added to this incredible performance was the venue, an open air slightly raised platform, and of course the performer's costume choice. Often times when we find ourselves at a concert of magnitude, at a highly populated event, it can be difficult to find convenient, comfortable, and affordable seating. Yet again, I hit the jackpot again, and got to enjoy the performance from the driver's seat of my car while waiting for a right turn signal at the longest traffic light in the world. Thankfully it occurred to me that my blogger friends might want to join in my musical experience with enough time to snap off a few pics. I took several pictures with my camera phone (sorry about the quality), unfortunately, due to the intense choreography of the performance, only two of them came out. Enjoy!!

This is a classic shot. Notice that the musician is holding an ipod (or similar device), he hears the music through his earphones and then strums out the beat on his air guitar. Also, kudos to the costuming department. I don't know if you can tell, but those are not ordinary pants that he is wearing, indeed those are full length sweat pants that have been rolled up. Also, please note that he is sporting a white t-shirt on his head, I would like to remind you how difficult this style choice is to pull off, bravo, sir, bravo!

Another great action shot!!!

Definitely the highlight of my day!!!

Lordess of the Flies

**Caution, this post contains nudity**

For those of you who have heard me rant about the showers in the gym at school, forgive this post.

At GT we have one of the most wonderful, state of the art gyms I have ever seen at an institution of higher learning. Having said that, the showers are some of the grossest I have ever seen (and I have seen my fair share of nastified showers). The locker room is wonderful, complete with a jacuzzi and water extractor for your swim suit. The only thing that is sub-par are the showers. The showers are gank!! First off, the showers were made for someone who was approximately 5'2". I am not 5'2". Secondly, the showers were clearly designed to be put near the bathrooms at the beach, you know the ones, so people could hit the little button and get 5000 lbs. of water forced at their sandy feet in a solid thick stream. Although these shower nozzles are tremendous at removing sand (and sometimes skin) from your feet, the powerful jet of water is not oh so comfortable in the shower setting. As if all this wasn't bad enough, imagine a shower where the walls and curtains (which are approximately 4 inches to narrow to cover the shower opening) are coated with a substance that I imagine some homeless animal might eat for the protein content.

As if all this isn't gross enough, here is what happened to me today. I was in the shower, naked (aha! there's the nudity you were promised) and doing the cleaning. I was in the rinse process, after the shampoo and body soap, but before the final conditioning, when I should look down at my leg and see a very dead, very water logged fly. EWWWW!! I still do not know where this creature came from, but I can assure you that it was not there earlier (I know this because I had just soaped my precious legs and I think I would have noticed a huge dead fly on my leg). So there you have it, the showers at the gym are freakin' nasty.

Dating Do's and Don't's

Really not so much Do's but more along the lines of Don't's

Don't try to pick up women in a 7-11
Don't wait until she is ready to check out and stand in line right behind her, so close that she can smell how much cologne you are wearing
Don't wear the whole bottle of cologne when you go out
Don't hurry through your transactions and try to race the girl to her car frantically trying to get her attention so you can give her more of your icky, creepy flirts
Don't then get in your car and proceed to follow her on the highway, racing to pull even with her and then giving her your nasty flirty smiles and icky creepy eyes.

Ok, that's your lesson for today. You all owe me a great service for sacrificing my morning as well as my safety for this valuable lesson.

Boys are gross.

Don't Try This at Home

Ok, so I know it has been a while since I have made a post and I fully intend to do that. I am not going to do that now though. This is just a quick little note about something that I find terribly amusing. So, here I am sitting in class (yes, right now, that is why I need to make this short) and I am glancing around (because I am bored out of my mind) and what should I spot, but this lady in front of me taking notes on her computer. It is then that I notice that there is something terribly wrong with her computer screen. The whole thing is turned on its side. The computer looks completely normal but the image is sideways, so that if you want to read it you would have to tilt your head completely to the left. My classmate is clearly perplexed by this and she has now spent 10 minuted making confused hand gestures and pushing every button she can think of. Two questions: How the hell did she do that? And why is that even an option, is there a need for that?

Note: She is currently taking notes by hand.

More to come later...

Two little "i's" in the hole (edited)

Yes, that's right my legal friends, Maine is not the only one to use that (ahem) interesting phrase. If you are unfamiliar with the phrase little "i" in the hole, let me clue you in:

(ii)

Ok, the above represents a lower case roman numeral two, set between parentheses. Now, most people would say, "roman numeral two," or simply, "two," or, I have even heard (and secretly love), "romanette two." I do understand the concept of the phrase, "two little 'i's' in the hole," but really people, must we say that?

Here is an example from the Internal Revenue Code:

§ 302. Distributions in redemption of stock.

(a) General rule. If a corporation redeems its stock ..., and if paragraph (1), (2), (3), or (4) of subsection (b) applies, such redemption shall be treated as a distribution in part or full payment in exchange for the stock.

(b) Redemptions treated as exchanges.

(1) Redemptions not equivalent to dividends. Subsection (a) shall apply if the redemption is not essentially equivalent to a dividend.

(2) Substantially disproportionate redemption of stock.

(A) In general. Subsection (a) shall apply if the distribution is substantially disproportionate with respect to the shareholder.

(B) Limitation. This paragraph shall not apply unless immediately after the redemption the shareholder owns less than 50 percent of the total combined voting power of all classes of stock entitled to vote.

(C) Definitions. For purposes of this paragraph, the distribution is substantially disproportionate if--

(i) the ratio which the voting stock of the corporation owned by the shareholder immediately after the redemption bears to all of the voting stock of the corporation at such time, is less than 80 percent of--

(ii) the ratio which the voting stock of the corporation owned by the shareholder immediately before the redemption bears to all of the voting stock of the corporation at such time.

...

OK, if I wanted to refer specifically to the bolded section I would say, "Section three oh four, b, two, cap C, ROMANETTE TWO." How would you site that little roman numeral two? If you are like my legal research
professor (and like others that shall remain nameless), you would call it two
little i's in the hole. I'm not sure why this bothers me so much, other
than it makes one sound like a perverted moron, and I prefer to sound like just
a pervert.

My Boy (and other odds and ends)

Ok, so I realize I have a tendency to get a little crazy about my animals, but look at these incredible cute pics of Mr. Star. Isn't he the cuterest!?!?!

Ok, cutest puppy ever, right?

On another note, I like to give a huge shout out to my good friend Ken-Star who recommended that I get the Downy ball to deal with my laundry woes. As far as I am concerned the Downy ball is magical, it dispenses my liquid fabric softener in the washing machine at just the right moment. How does it do this? I seal the ball before putting it in the laundry, and yet it works every time. Wikipedia has an explanation for this phenomenon, http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Downy_ball. Alas, I am still of the belief that the Downy ball is magic.

In one of my prior posts I discuss my new found love for a pair of sheets that I discovered at Target. I had ordered them online and anticipated that all would be well. Unfortunately I received an email from the good folks at Target.com explaining that my order would be delayed. I took a little trip to Target yesterday, on an unrelated matter, and decided to swing by the bedding department. (Oh, by the way, this is a different Target than the one I was in the other day.) I stop by an end cap displaying MY sheets in other colors and sizes, it is then that I notice that now my sheets are on clearance. This irks me to no end as, not only did I pay regular price for the sheets online, but I also had to pay shipping and handling. I was just about to give up when I spotted another end cap of my sheets a few aisles back. You are not going to believe this. Someone had just returned a set of MY sheets, in the correct size and color. I scooped those sheets up so fast I almost fell over while doing my happy dance. So, not only did I get the sheets, but I got them for $13!!! And, the Target.com peeps said that I can refuse acceptance of the sheets as they did not conform with the set time line. Yippee!!

The Crazy Things You Can See in DC

Ah yes, just your average day in an average city, where an average girl takes a ride home in an average subway, when what should she see???? A not so average Maneltoe!!!! For those of you that are not aware, a Maneltoe is the male version of the camel toe. If you don't know what a camel toe is, please preserve your innocence and just move on. Let me just say, this Maneltoe was amazing, I actually found myself staring, it was hypnotic, I couldn't take my eyes off it. It was like a puzzle trying to figure out what all the parts were and how they fit to make the whole. I actually considered taking a picture of it with my phone so that you could all see, but then I thought that might be weird. Sorry.





Earlier that day... I had a large break between classes and decided that I could take the time and the energy to walk the 300 feet to Starbucks. I sure am glad I did. Once in Starbucks I had the unexplainable urge to use the little girl's room. (Number 1 if you must know). Funny, usually I have that urge AFTER having the Starbucks. So, I went into the restroom and walked toward the toilet. That is when I observed this wonderful sign discretely placed on the wall behind the toilet:

Now, I don't know if you are able to make out the words on this instructional sign, but basically what is says is that this is a Water-Saving Dual-Functioning toilet. To be more precise, the toilet has a Dual-Functioning flusher. You either pull up or push down depending on the type of load you have just dropped. If you don't know which to do, the sign provides you with helpful instructions and graphics. "Up for #1 (liquid waste)" it reads, and then "Down for #2 (solid waste)." If, by chance, you are not of the reading population, you can look at the number of water droplets pictured. One drop for up (less water). And three drops for down (a crap load of water). This leads me to ponder the obvious: What if you have a mix of solid and liquid waste, do you not flush at all??

You're Joking, Right?

Yesterday I went to Target. For those of you that are unaware, I am a believer that God gave us Target so we might get a glimpse of what heaven might be like (on a smaller scale of course). As I was meandering through the mecca that is Target I spotted the most adorable set of sheets:

Super cute, right? Alas, they did not have any on the shelf that would fit a queen size bed. I decided to go to one of the nearby service phones to see if someone could check to see if there were more of these sheets in the back. I pick up the phone, ring ring ring...

Employee: Thank you for calling Target, this is Mercedes, can I help you find something.

Me: Hey there, M, I found these spectacular sheets and I do love them so, however, there aren't any on the shelf in Queen, do you suppose someone could check in the back for me?

Mercedes: Hold please...

HOLDING....

Other Employee: Hello?

Me: Ah, yes...

Other Employee: Do you need the number?

Me: Ah, are you looking for the sheets?

Other Employee: (exasperated) NO, I am looking for help in the home office area.

Me: (light bulb clicks on) Oh, that's swell, are you a customer?

Customer: (irritated that I am displaying such poor customer service) Yes!

Me: Yeah, so am I, I think we should both hang up and try again...

Customer: Okay (clearly blaming me for this whole mishap)

I try again:

Mercedes: Thank you for calling Target, this is Mercedes, can I help you find something.

Me: Yo, M, do you think you could send someone on over to bedding?

Mercedes: Hold please...

HOLDING...

Other Employee: Hello?

Me: Hi there.

Other Employee: Could you send someone over to furniture please?

Me: Okay...

Other Employee/customer: Great, thanks!

Me: Wait!

Customer: yes?

Me: I am a customer too, I think they connected us by mistake.

Customer: oh...

Click.

I try again:

Mercedes: Thank you for calling Target, this is Mercedes, can I help you find something?

Me: Mercedes, I really need some help in the bedding area and I have now been connected to other customers TWICE. Could you send someone over?

Mercedes: (yelling at me) I'M SORRY, I'M NEW AT THIS! Someone will be over.

Click.

Yeah, right, I won't hold my breath. Long story short (too late), they didn't have any more sheets, but I did find them online and ordered them there! YIPPEE!

Fast forward: I had decided not to blog about my unfortunate Target experiences yesterday as I was afraid they would be too painful to live through again. That was until this happened to me this morning:

Obviously, I need a new wheel and new tires (if you don't know why, please read "Worst Night Ever" posted yesterday). I spoke to my dear friends at the local Ford dealership and they are ordering my new wheel and it should be here today by noon. Perfect, now all I have to do is call and make an appointment:

Ford: Service department.

Me: Hi there, I need to make an appointment.

Ford: Hold please...

HOLDING... (anyone feel the deja vu here?)

Ford: Hello?

Me: Hi.

Ford: Hi, I'm trying to reach the service department.

Me: (you have got to be kidding me) Yeah, me too, I think they connected us by mistake, I think we need to call back.

Lady: Oh, how funny, ok. (Obviously, this is the first time this has happened to her, or it wouldn't be so funny.)

So, we both hung up, I got a hold of someone and made an appointment for Thursday. Does this kind of thing happen to anyone but me and Samson? (Please see Sam's blog entry, Hippa: http://reflectingpoorly.blogspot.com/2007/07/hipaa.html)

Worst Night Ever

Ahhh yes, I finally ventured out of the cocoon I call my home and went into DC for an orientation gathering and some drinks. The evening started out well: A nice little speech by the various Deans (all of varying titles of which I do not recall, nor should you care); free food and booze (wine only, we are high class at GT); and a shuttle ride ride back to where we parked. All in all, so far so good. So then, a few friends and I (yes, I met some people here! And dare I say, we are friendly!!) decided to go to a local Irish pub for a few drinks. Toward the end of the evening (oh, around 11:00), all that remained was me and my new BFF (lets call her K).

So, K and I are sitting at the bar when a guy about our age approaches us from behind. He taps me on the shoulder and smiles at me sheepishly. "Hello," he says, staring deeply into my eyes, "I saw you when I walked in and I really wanted to introduce myself." So, I said hello and introduced myself and K. He looked very sweet and said, "my name is Future Asshole, and I would love to buy you both a drink." Neither K nor myself were thinking of imbibing more, but how often do you get so shamelessly hit on? (Let me tell you, for me, its NOT OFTEN!) K and I looked at each other and K informed Future that we would be leaving shortly. Undaunted, Future replies "Ok, I am going to go back over and sit with some of my friends, if you would like to I would love for you to join us so I may buy you a drink." Then he strolls away.

Well, to make a long story slightly less long, lets just skip to the part where K and I decide to join them and are greeted by a party of 10 of the drunkest individuals in the Greater DC area. Somehow, I manage to offend Future's nearby friend (lets call him Prick). Prick looks at me and says "I meet girls like you everyday, girls like you are a dime a dozen, so don't think you are anything special." I have to admit that I am a little taken aback by this comment, and yet my attention is split between being aghast and watching the exchange that is taking place between K and Prick's girlfriend, Hoochie Ho. While Prick is informing me of the average going price for a dozen "girls like me," HH is screaming at my extremely docile friend, K, and telling her not to even speak. It was at this point that we decided it was time to leave. Thanks Future for a super fun night!

So, on with the fun, right? I decide to take K home so she doesn't have to ride the Metro at this hour (now midnight). And of course we get a little lost. (You saw that coming, right?) I was cruising along in the right lane of the street when a highway sign said that I need to be making a left at the next right. I quickly begin changing lanes. Did you know that sometimes they separate left turn lanes from the other lanes with concrete curbs?!?!?! I realized this a little on the late side. I hit the curb. Huh, that is a strange noise my car is making. K thinks we should pull over and take a look.

I pull into a gas station all the while noticing that somehow we have left the nice part of DC and are now somewhere in the middle of South Central/Compton-DC. I get out of the car and examine my tire:

As you can imagine, the tire is flat. No problem, I know how to change a tire! So I begin this laborious process (yep, I'm in a skirt and a top that bares my ladies for the world to see when I bend over.) I get the car jacked up and am ready to take the tire off (I realize that I forgot to loosen the lug nuts prior to jacking the car up, but that is irrelevant as of now because I can't find the loosener tool!) Perfect. No way to get the lug nuts off. Meanwhile a variety of unsavory individuals are coming up to K (did I mention that she is 5'3", has a perfect figure and is gorgeous?) and they are asking her if we need help. K is now frantic. She decides that we should call the police. I am not such a fan of this idea as, lets face it, I have been drinking.

The cops get there looking fairly agitated to have been called away from some caper that I imagine was happening at Dunkin' Donuts. I tell them that I cannot find my lug nut tool but I am checking one more time. I SWEAR I must have looked for that thing five times already. Guess what?!?! That's right! I found it. I look at the helpful peace officers and inform them that I am merely an idiot and have now found the lug nut tool that has been touched by the Gods, for it was invisible moments ago. I speak to the officers and ask if they wouldn't mind sticking around for a few moments while I fix the tire as my friend is frantic. They must have seen the dried tear tracks on here checks (yes I am a horrible person) for they agreed to say. Notice I said they stayed. They did not, however help. I proceeded to let the car down, loosen the lug nuts, jack the car up, remove the lug nuts and then struggle for dear life as I tried to remove the wheel from the car. I finally had to stand and use all my might, which shook the whole car, before the wheel popped free. Only then did one of the police officers, who looked like he was moonbathing against his patrol car, ask if I needed help. Pause. Are you freakin' joking here!

Mr. Helpful assists me in getting the spare on before jokingly saying, "One too many cocktails huh?" I chuckle and say that we merely got lost. As if that explains why a huge chunk of my wheel was pushed through my tire.

We asked these helpful individuals for directions and then were on our way.

I'm a thirteen year old boy

Yes, I'm afraid its true, I have the maturity of a thirteen year old. This past weekend a friend of mine came in from out of town, and in the true nature of visiting friends, we decided to be tourists. So, in to DC we went. We saw lots of cool things, like a tour of the capitol building, the Washington Monument, The National Archives (where I personally saw the Declaration of Independence), the Lincoln and Jefferson Memorials, and the Museum of Natural History. It was at this last location that I demonstrated my true age and, unfortunately, sex. In the section dedicated to dinosaurs there was an area dedicated to dinosaur workers at work. It was here that I took the following picture:

Ok, so, if you can't make it out, this sign informs the viewer that work is being done on the bones of a Titanosaur. Now, most people would take a glance at this sign and read it as Titan-o-saur. Thirteen year old boys, however, would see this sign at saying TIT-o-saur and then snicker as they picture a large breasted dino. Which are you? Which do you suppose I was?

More Movie Reviews... I Have No Life!

Yes, that's correct, I have now been to 6 movies in about 2 weeks. I cannot say that I am especially proud of this fact, but alas, I will pass on my thoughts anyhow.

Transformers - 2 thumbs way up. I have 3 words to describe this movie: BEST MOVIE EVER! Alright, I admit it, I delayed on seeing this movie because I thought I wouldn't like it. I'm a girl, I like girl movies. I really didn't expect to like this movie so much, but it really was great. Thank you to my good friend BChab for telling me I definitely had to see this in the theater! Obviously this movie has great special effects, but it also has a plot! Go figure! It kinda had an "Independence Day" feel to it in the way a lot of different people are doing things in a lot of different places and then they all come together to fight the bad guys. It's gotta just make you feel all warm and fuzzy inside. I don't want to give away too many details but, lets just say it is nice to know that other people (even made up people) have intense emotional feelings toward their inanimate objects. GO SEE THIS MOVIE!

Ocean's 13 - 1 1/2 thumbs up. Ok, as you have probably guessed the pool of movies I would like to see has inevitably thinned. On account of this fact I have been forced to "think outside the box" for movies to see. Enter the cheap theater. You know this theater, it is usually a little run down and in a somewhat sketchy area. The movies are cheapER (hence the name cheap theater), and they are also the movies that have just left the "real" movie theaters. Now, I hope you noticed my emphasis on the word cheapER. The movie was still $4, which kinda seemed like a rip off considering that sometimes the color was off and the film had shifted so that it was projected on most of the screen and a little part of the wall, leaving a nice 1 foot margin of screen that wasn't covered by anything. The movie didn't start until almost 10:00, which honestly is past my bed time these days. So, I got to the theater (no easy feat as you can only enter the building from the back alley area of the shopping mall/center thing). It was sketchy as all hell, and I had mild delusions of getting knifed for my designer flip flops (Reefs) on the way into the building. Really, I couldn't even get into the theater building as they make you pay at the door. I was stuck holding the door, in an effort not to let the thing rest on my ass, as I stood there in the door way and listened to the customers in front of me haggle on the movie prices. NOT KIDDING! Apparently there is some sort of student discount (a whole dollar! (yes Audrey)) but the guy only had one student ID for him and his date. The proprietor of this fine movie theater wasn't budging on prices. Finally I got to the front of the line and set my four one dollar bills on the counter. Chester (as I imagine that is what his name must have been), looked at my money and said Whoaaa! I looked at him and said Ocean's 13 please. I am still at a loss as to why my four dollars elicited such a response from this man. I mean, there were probably 3 signs (hand written on yellowed construction paper) that read "CASH ONLY." Oh well, I guess that will have to be one of life's many mysteries.

So, I got into the theater and it was dark. I mean pitch freakin black. So, I stood at the back of the theater and tried to see where I was going to be forced to sit. I admit I was a tad late and the movie had already started. I REALLY HATE THAT! I quickly got to my seat and had a flashback to my youth. I believe now is a good time to give a shout out to the Plaza Cinemas movie theater back home. When I was a kid you could catch a double feature at the Plaza for a couple dollars. But that's not all you could catch there!!! Joking aside here folks, communicable diseases are not a laughing matter. When I was a kid, I actually got lice from this otherwise reputable crack house, I mean, movie theater. So, as I sat there trying to figure out what Brad Pitt and George Clooney were up to I gingerly laid my head back against the seat and prayed for the best.

Well, the movie was pretty good. I must say, I went in with pretty low expectations. For anyone that saw Ocean's 12, you can understand why I expected the worst. But this Ocean movie was much, much better that 12. It is not as good as 11, but it was entertaining. At times it did feel like they were trying a little too hard to have crazy twists and turns in the plot, but all in all, it was pretty good. I think the fact that the movie is set back in Vegas really helped bring back the Ocean's 11 feel. So, if you have a "cheap" theater showing this movie I say, why not? Otherwise, renting it is probably a good idea.

Stardust - 2 thumbs up. This one is a little difficult to review right now as I am still thinking about it. I just saw this movie today and I notice that pieces of it have been floating in and out of my brain all evening. I guess that is a good sign. Ok, let me just say, I really liked the movie. I think it was extremely well made, the special effects were nothing short of amazing, the storyline was original (or as original as anything in Hollywood is these days), the actors were great, and it was funny. Having said all that, I don't really see the movie doing well in the theaters. I just imagine it is a tough movie to sell. It doesn't really have a target audience. It is a sci-fi movie that is a love story. Those are not two genres that go together. Although, I guess you could say that it has something for both men and women. I really don't think the previews do it justice. Hands down, the best character was Robert DeNiro's. He didn't have a large part, but he was hilarious. I thought the creepy obese man next to me was going to pee himself during several of the DeNiro scenes (he was one of those movie goers that repeats the line he thinks is funny and THEN laughs at it, so damn annoying). So, please, go see this movie. It was really good and I would love to know what you think of it. Warning: I never said it wasn't predictable, but it is still so worth seeing.

Alrighty, so apparently I like to ramble, if you made it this far, thanks for reading. Not to get too serious, but, I have been very lonely today and I just want to say to all my friends out there how much I miss you all. I can't wait to see you again and I hope you all are happy and well.

Goodnight.

Phi Beta Kappa at Discover Card

I received a letter in the mail yesterday from my friends at Discover Card. "We have been trying to reach you, please contact us at your earliest convenience." SHIT. What now? Did I do something wrong? Miss a payment? Go over my limit? Not redeem my points in time? Buy something not Discover-worthy? I start to dial the number they gave me, having to stop only once to control the tremors in my hands (much like the message I received from my student loan company requesting that I call them, I was scared!) An ever so pleasant little man answered the phone. (Note: I believe we have my mother, and her mother before her, to thank for the fact that any male worker is referred to as a "little man." This reference is always the same regardless of size and usually age. However, if the man is extremely old he is usually a "little old man" and if he is especially nice he is the "nice little man" or the "nice little old man." If he is not helpful at all he is usually not a "little man" at all and we have a slew of other words with which to address him.)

So, the nice little man that answered the phone asked for my account number name, social, people on my account, blood type, astrological sign, etc., you know, the usual stuff. He asked what he could help me with and I informed him that I had received a letter indicating they were trying to contact me. "Oh yes," says the nice little man, "when did you receive that letter." I received it today I comment, looking at the fact that the letter was dated at the end of July (the post office has been a little slow in the mail forwarding department.) "Oh really," little man exclaims, "I see that was sent out at the end of July!" Little man is clearly distressed by this fact and I act quickly in an effort to put his mind at ease. "Yes," I say sheepishly, "you see, I have recently moved and this was forward from my previous address, so, I think it must have gotten delayed."

Little man begins to stammer apologies in a way that leads me to believe he has fears of my knifing him over the phone. "Oh, no Miss, its fine, I wasn't trying to rebuke you." REBUKE. Yes, he said rebuke. Who says rebuke? What I really wanted to say was, "Mister, if you can work the word rebuke into normal everyday conversation, why are you answering phones at Discover Card, clearly you are over qualified." In the alternative, I should have at least made some comment declaring that I did not perceive his oration as an admonishment. Instead I merely backpedaled and explained that I was simply telling him why it had taken so long to get to me.

Bravo Discover Card, you are clearly hiring those that speak to your average customer in a way that is far above their intelligence!

I Want A Donut

Once upon a time a beautiful princess like creature awoke to a serene Sunday morning. She was joined in her bed by a well behaved slumbering dog like creature. Suddenly it came to her attention that she desired to have a donut and some coffee.

Well that's too damn bad.

Apparently, donuts are too much to ask for in Virginia. Learning the hard way that I am not going to find the things I need by simply driving around and discovering them, I decided to research the donut situation online. I realize this may seem a little extreme but, lets keep in mind that I really have nothing better to do. So, I found this wonderful little donut shop on the yellow pages website AND it was even close to home. I have discovered that the closer I stay to home, the quicker it is for me to get UNlost. I decided to take my fun loving dog with me as he has found a way to enter my roommates bedroom while he is sleeping. In an effort to preserve the harmony, I thought taking the beast would be a good idea. (Although, seeing as how I got flipped off by him this morning solely for being a woman (apparently the date didn't go so well last night) maybe I should have let Star Puppy break into his room and romp on his head. Hmm...) Anyway, as I was saying, Mr. Star and I drove over to Starbucks where an angel sold me the elixir of life. Then I went to the location described by my friends at Yahoo! Maps. The donut store was not there :( What's more is that I got stuck on an dead end street by some geese, yes geese, that thought it was a perfect morning to be frolicking in the street. So here I am waiting in my car in the middle of the road, while the geese proceed to spread out in such a formation that I could almost here them saying "Red Rover, Red Rover, send Focus right on over." Stupid geese. Finally there was a break in the line, and their chanting stopped, than I revved my engine and quickly went around them, barely making it out alive.

DONUTS, MUST HAVE DONUTS...
Fine, I guess I will just go to stupid Dunkin' Donuts. I hate their donuts there, but apparently beggars can't be choosers. So, I drive to the DD, wait in line for a while and then read the little sign that says "sorry for the inconvenience, but we do not accept ATM/Credit cards." WHAT!?!?!? Who the hell carries cash anymore?! Certainly not me. So, I got back in my car and dejectedly drove off. I soon realize that I have no gasoline in my car (seriously, how is it that I only drove 200 miles on a tank of gas?) So, I went home. Sad, huh? No donuts for me. I did however make some pancakes which turned out wonderful.

Missing Stanford Street

Hello dear readers! So, yesterday concluded my first week in Virginia. I think it is safe to say that I am ready to come home. It is hot and humid here, and I think we all know how I feel about hot and humid (if you don't know, then you don't know me at all, stop reading.)

Okay, a little something about my blog. As many of you know, one of my favorite phrases is "That's what she said!" Clearly a blog of that title would have been fantastic. Alas, that name what not available, so I chose this one. I have to say, the name has grown on me and it takes some of the pressure off of creating a fantastic blog. Now my blog can be merely adequate. Whew!

So, I have run out of things to say (this is harder than it looks... "That's what she said!" Sorry I just had to!) So, in an effort to do something useful I will close with some movie reviews...

I have become quite the motion picture goer and am happy to pass on my useless thoughts to you all.

The Bourne Ultimatum: Two Thumbs Up!! Ok, let me just say it... I loved the movie. I thought it was far better than the second one, but not as good as the first (although I am really not sure if there was a way to even compete with the first). The one complaint I have is that some times the fight scenes were too close up or too fast and you couldn't quite tell what was going on. This was one of my several complaints with the second one, although in Ultimatum it wasn't as noticeable. The other crazy/weird thing is that if you watch the end of the second one, you will see a scene where Bourne leaves the home of the daughter of his first victims. He is clearly injured in that scene. The next thing you see is him in NY talking to Pam (yes, we are on a first name basis), that is when she tells him his real name. Okay, all this to say that the third movie picks up with an injured Bourne right after leaving the daughter of the victims' house but then the Pam phone call doesn't happen until the middle of the third movie. No, I am not on drugs, but I admit that this tripped me out a little. All in all: So worth it to see in the theaters!

No Reservations: One Thumb Up. TOTAL CHICK FLICK. First off, let me just say that the streets are really confusing here in Va. I get lost every time I leave the house. I blame it on the fact that there are five different streets with the same name. Was the movie theater on Fairfax Drive, Fairfax Street, Fairfax Lane, Fairfax Corner (who the hell names a street Something CORNER!), or Fairfax Place. Coming from someone who still isn't sure which is High and which is State Street (you Mainers get this!) you can understand why such things are troubling for me. Ok, all that to say that I did not intend to go see this movie. I was trying to see "I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry" (see below), when I ended up at the wrong movie theater. By the time I arrived at the correct theater I was too late. So, I decided to go grab a beer (did you know they can smoke in the bar areas of restaurants here!?!?) and then I saw whatever the next non-animated movie was playing... No Reservations. So, if you are a guy, you are going to hate this movie. It really has no redeeming macho qualities. Having said that, it was the perfect movie for the place I was in at the time. Not a lot of thinking, not a lot of drama, just people needing people, love and comfort. GAG! No, but seriously, it was pretty cute. And a nod to the Little Miss Sunshine actress who did the "I'm so sad my mom just died" tears like a pro. She was very good.

Last and Least:
I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry: One and a half Thumbs Down. The funniest thing about this movie was me attempting to use the video "purchase your own ticket" machine. I walk up to the seemingly idiot proof monitor guaranteeing easy ticket purchases with no line. I touch the screen in the place marked for the English language. Me: 1, Monitor: 0. When would you like to see your selection?: I hit Today. Me: 2, Monitor: 0. Ahhh, the hard part: What movie would you like to see? I begin to scroll through the listings... my movie is not here!! I go through them again... nope, no Chuck and Larry. I break out into a cold sweat imagining I have gone to Fairfax Lane instead of Fairfax Corner again. I press cancel and walk toward the human ticket vendors. I read through the list of movies showing, yup, there it is, I am definitely in the right place. I go back to a different monitor (clearly the first ticket machine was faulty). I go through the first two questions with ease. Now the monitor asks me (in a mocking font): What movie would you like to see? I scroll through the listings, not there. It then occurs to me that they are probably alphabetized, ok, lets start at the "I's." It is not there!! The only thing that is there is some movie I have never heard of "I Now Pron". Clearly a foreign film. Come to find out, "I Now Pron" is short for "I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry." Huhh, go figure, I guess the ticket machines aren't idiot proof after all.
So, the movie. Just not that funny. I guess I was expecting more. I rarely feel this way, but toward the end of the movie I actually caught myself thinking that the movie was a waste of money. (This is something I rarely think about concerning movies). See it if you must, but don't say I didn't warn you.

Ok, sorry this was so long! More later!