"Um, hi, 911? This isn't REALLY an emergency"

Ok, so the good news about today is: it is better than yesterday! Yesterday was an all in all not so good day. For one, I had my grumpiest pair of grumpy pants on. And for two, I appear to be going through a rough patch right now, marked by considerable depression and anxiety. Not to fear, I am sure things will work themselves out, it just appears that my normal coping mechanisms are not readily equipped to handle what I am going through. Ok, enough of that...

Last night I had class until late in the evening, then I went to Starbucks (my home away from home) to work on a really stupid paper I am writing. The best thing about writing this paper is that now, I not only get to feel like an idiot most of the time, I get to proof-read my idiocy! Oh good! So, after Starbucks closed, I met up with a friend and had a drink, under the guise of discussing the piece of poo I am trying to turn into a research paper. Knowing full well that I had to be up at the rear-end crack of dawn (4:30 am) to catch a flight to L.A. (here now, its gorgeous!) I stayed at the bar til a little after midnight.

Ok, so I get home, and I am exhausted. I was trying to consider if I should attempt packing now, or just get up and throw some undies into a Target bag, when I pulled into a parking spot in front of my building. Then something in the bushes catches my eye. Oh look, it's a man crouched in the fetal position swaying back and forth like he's Rainman ("definitely, definitely Rainman" (sidenote: I heart you Matt!)).

Now I have to get out of my car with this crazy dude doing God know what (vomiting maybe?) I have to admit I was a little frightened. I got out of my car and walked around the back so I wouldn't have to use the sidewalk he was occupying. I was still berating myself for not checking to see if this man was ok (maybe someone beat him up and he was writhing on the ground?), when I was getting Mr. Wonderdog ready to go out. I took him out for his night time constitutional and noticed that the scary man was still there. But now he was laying, half on the sidewalk, half in the bushes. I finished with the dog and went inside to figure some things out.

Ok, think. This could be a bad man. I am home alone. (Sidenote: I don't have time for this crap, I have to wake up in 4 hours!) Ok, what if he's hurt. He can't stay there all night, it is going to drop below freezing, I would feel terrible if I could have done something to help him while he is freezing to death. I know!! I'll call the police! Ok, great, a plan. Now, what's the number for the police? I don't want to call 911, I don't feel like I'm in real danger. Get the phone book... oh good, they have the police listed: 911. Hmm. Ok, I guess I'll call 911.

Heroic 911 operator (man): 911 emergency, where are you located!
Me (tentative): Um, really I was just trying to reach the police.
Annoyed 911 operator (same man): Well, ma'am this is not the number for the non-emergency police.
Me (a little irritated by his tone): Ok, well, it isn't really an emergency, but there is a strange man writhing around in the bushes outside my house and I am a little concerned.
Resigned 911 operator: Where are you located?

The conversation when on from there, and I must say I felt vindicated that he took my info and said he would send someone out. The worst part was the sound of disgust I got when asked about the man's race: "Um, I don't know, all I could see was his legs and his sneakers lying across the sidewalk." Seriously, your pissed at me for not saying, "excuse me sir, I realize that you are either evil, drunk, or seriously injured, but would you mind telling me your national origin?"

Enter the other dumb dog. As my roommate was not here this evening I had to take his little charmer of a dog out. This usually involves me on all fours with a hand full of dog treats pulling her out from under the bed. She must have really had to pee last night because she came with no hassle.

I took the little princess across the condo parking lot to the place where she prefers to do her business. Suddenly an SUV pulls up and parks around the corner. It is now close to 1 am and I observe two men emerge from the vehicle. They look at each other and look around a little before heading straight over to my little invalid friend on the sidewalk/in the bush. I see them standing over him and speaking in harsh hushed tones. OH CRAP. Now what? I begin to casually saunter closer to their vehicle (yeah, right, casual my ass). I decide maybe I should at least get their license plate number because the police will be here any minute and if the bad men should happen to abscond with the body, I want to be able to give them something.

Thankfully, at that moment, two patrol cars pulled up. I couldn't really tell what was going on, partly because I couldn't hear and partly because my Spanish isn't that good (at least I think it was Spanish?) The police seemed to have everything under control so I quickly made my way inside.

I wish I had a better ending to this story, but honestly, I don't know what happened. The police must have taken Rainman AND his two buddies in because the SUV was still there after the cops left and this morning before I left for the airport.

Ah, the life of a concerned citizen...