Phi Beta Kappa at Discover Card

I received a letter in the mail yesterday from my friends at Discover Card. "We have been trying to reach you, please contact us at your earliest convenience." SHIT. What now? Did I do something wrong? Miss a payment? Go over my limit? Not redeem my points in time? Buy something not Discover-worthy? I start to dial the number they gave me, having to stop only once to control the tremors in my hands (much like the message I received from my student loan company requesting that I call them, I was scared!) An ever so pleasant little man answered the phone. (Note: I believe we have my mother, and her mother before her, to thank for the fact that any male worker is referred to as a "little man." This reference is always the same regardless of size and usually age. However, if the man is extremely old he is usually a "little old man" and if he is especially nice he is the "nice little man" or the "nice little old man." If he is not helpful at all he is usually not a "little man" at all and we have a slew of other words with which to address him.)

So, the nice little man that answered the phone asked for my account number name, social, people on my account, blood type, astrological sign, etc., you know, the usual stuff. He asked what he could help me with and I informed him that I had received a letter indicating they were trying to contact me. "Oh yes," says the nice little man, "when did you receive that letter." I received it today I comment, looking at the fact that the letter was dated at the end of July (the post office has been a little slow in the mail forwarding department.) "Oh really," little man exclaims, "I see that was sent out at the end of July!" Little man is clearly distressed by this fact and I act quickly in an effort to put his mind at ease. "Yes," I say sheepishly, "you see, I have recently moved and this was forward from my previous address, so, I think it must have gotten delayed."

Little man begins to stammer apologies in a way that leads me to believe he has fears of my knifing him over the phone. "Oh, no Miss, its fine, I wasn't trying to rebuke you." REBUKE. Yes, he said rebuke. Who says rebuke? What I really wanted to say was, "Mister, if you can work the word rebuke into normal everyday conversation, why are you answering phones at Discover Card, clearly you are over qualified." In the alternative, I should have at least made some comment declaring that I did not perceive his oration as an admonishment. Instead I merely backpedaled and explained that I was simply telling him why it had taken so long to get to me.

Bravo Discover Card, you are clearly hiring those that speak to your average customer in a way that is far above their intelligence!