Worst Night Ever

Ahhh yes, I finally ventured out of the cocoon I call my home and went into DC for an orientation gathering and some drinks. The evening started out well: A nice little speech by the various Deans (all of varying titles of which I do not recall, nor should you care); free food and booze (wine only, we are high class at GT); and a shuttle ride ride back to where we parked. All in all, so far so good. So then, a few friends and I (yes, I met some people here! And dare I say, we are friendly!!) decided to go to a local Irish pub for a few drinks. Toward the end of the evening (oh, around 11:00), all that remained was me and my new BFF (lets call her K).

So, K and I are sitting at the bar when a guy about our age approaches us from behind. He taps me on the shoulder and smiles at me sheepishly. "Hello," he says, staring deeply into my eyes, "I saw you when I walked in and I really wanted to introduce myself." So, I said hello and introduced myself and K. He looked very sweet and said, "my name is Future Asshole, and I would love to buy you both a drink." Neither K nor myself were thinking of imbibing more, but how often do you get so shamelessly hit on? (Let me tell you, for me, its NOT OFTEN!) K and I looked at each other and K informed Future that we would be leaving shortly. Undaunted, Future replies "Ok, I am going to go back over and sit with some of my friends, if you would like to I would love for you to join us so I may buy you a drink." Then he strolls away.

Well, to make a long story slightly less long, lets just skip to the part where K and I decide to join them and are greeted by a party of 10 of the drunkest individuals in the Greater DC area. Somehow, I manage to offend Future's nearby friend (lets call him Prick). Prick looks at me and says "I meet girls like you everyday, girls like you are a dime a dozen, so don't think you are anything special." I have to admit that I am a little taken aback by this comment, and yet my attention is split between being aghast and watching the exchange that is taking place between K and Prick's girlfriend, Hoochie Ho. While Prick is informing me of the average going price for a dozen "girls like me," HH is screaming at my extremely docile friend, K, and telling her not to even speak. It was at this point that we decided it was time to leave. Thanks Future for a super fun night!

So, on with the fun, right? I decide to take K home so she doesn't have to ride the Metro at this hour (now midnight). And of course we get a little lost. (You saw that coming, right?) I was cruising along in the right lane of the street when a highway sign said that I need to be making a left at the next right. I quickly begin changing lanes. Did you know that sometimes they separate left turn lanes from the other lanes with concrete curbs?!?!?! I realized this a little on the late side. I hit the curb. Huh, that is a strange noise my car is making. K thinks we should pull over and take a look.

I pull into a gas station all the while noticing that somehow we have left the nice part of DC and are now somewhere in the middle of South Central/Compton-DC. I get out of the car and examine my tire:

As you can imagine, the tire is flat. No problem, I know how to change a tire! So I begin this laborious process (yep, I'm in a skirt and a top that bares my ladies for the world to see when I bend over.) I get the car jacked up and am ready to take the tire off (I realize that I forgot to loosen the lug nuts prior to jacking the car up, but that is irrelevant as of now because I can't find the loosener tool!) Perfect. No way to get the lug nuts off. Meanwhile a variety of unsavory individuals are coming up to K (did I mention that she is 5'3", has a perfect figure and is gorgeous?) and they are asking her if we need help. K is now frantic. She decides that we should call the police. I am not such a fan of this idea as, lets face it, I have been drinking.

The cops get there looking fairly agitated to have been called away from some caper that I imagine was happening at Dunkin' Donuts. I tell them that I cannot find my lug nut tool but I am checking one more time. I SWEAR I must have looked for that thing five times already. Guess what?!?! That's right! I found it. I look at the helpful peace officers and inform them that I am merely an idiot and have now found the lug nut tool that has been touched by the Gods, for it was invisible moments ago. I speak to the officers and ask if they wouldn't mind sticking around for a few moments while I fix the tire as my friend is frantic. They must have seen the dried tear tracks on here checks (yes I am a horrible person) for they agreed to say. Notice I said they stayed. They did not, however help. I proceeded to let the car down, loosen the lug nuts, jack the car up, remove the lug nuts and then struggle for dear life as I tried to remove the wheel from the car. I finally had to stand and use all my might, which shook the whole car, before the wheel popped free. Only then did one of the police officers, who looked like he was moonbathing against his patrol car, ask if I needed help. Pause. Are you freakin' joking here!

Mr. Helpful assists me in getting the spare on before jokingly saying, "One too many cocktails huh?" I chuckle and say that we merely got lost. As if that explains why a huge chunk of my wheel was pushed through my tire.

We asked these helpful individuals for directions and then were on our way.